When I ordered my kitchen from IKEA I watched their calm videos about how easy it is to install and proudly told everyone about how I was going to do it myself. Me, who owns about three DIY tools and, whilst being averagely good at assembling flat-pack furniture, had never done anything more than that.

To their credit, everyone I casually mentioned this plan to smiled very sweetly and nodded at me without laughing in my face. Bless them and their inner giggles at my ridiculous plan.

IN MY DEFENCE if my walls and floor had been level I still maintain that I could have done it myself a la the oddly soothing IKEA videos.